3. Waking up…

16368958_largeIt’s been two years now, but she’s never left that very spot she’s been trying hard to run from. She has a new life now. She’s met new friends. She’s got a new job. But she still has the same nights. Nights when she has nothing else to do but rewrite the story over and over again. She’s tried to write  a song about it a million times, but she never reachers Chorus…until one day, she received a message.

“Hi!”. And there he was again. This simple message was the beginning of something new for them, she thought. And behold it really was.
She went to sleep trying her best to get a nice dream to wipe the tears away, after realizing that what wrapped their  conversation up was, “By the way, we’re back together.” So yeah, she knew this is a brand new start for them…apart.

It wasn’t that long when she was just alone. So being apart from him will make no much of a difference.

Read This If There’s Someone You Can’t Forgive

Thought Catalog

Luis HernandezLuis Hernandez

I hate every cliché that exists about forgiveness.

I know every adage, every piece of advice, every regularly endorsed opinion on the topic because I’ve scoured my way through the literature. I’ve read every blog post about letting go of anger. I’ve written down Buddha quotes and stuck them on post-its to my wall. I know that no part of it is simple. I know the adages are tired. I know the gap between “Deciding to forgive” and actually feeling peace can seem entirely unbridgeable. I know.

Forgiveness is a vast, un-traversable land for those of us who crave justice. The very thought of letting someone walk away scot-free from what they’ve done makes us sick. We don’t want to simply wipe our hands clean. We want to transfer the blood onto to theirs. We want to see the scores evened and the playing field leveled. We want…

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#FOREVER

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I’ve been hearing a lot about this thing they call “love” which they say is NOT always forever. I don’t even know why they call it “love”, because the LOVE I know doesn’t fade. It’s not something you fall into, thus you don’t fall out of. It’s not something based on drastic actions by someone drawn to you or a result of a “spark”. It’s never a reason for someone to be totally torn apart or be the one to tear someone else. It’s never a reason for jealousy, not an outcome of long companionship. “LOVE” as taught to me by my Teacher…is so great that you won’t have to consider anything or anyone to feel. It’s something you decide to feel and give away because you know you have an overflow of it. And it doesn’t run out because its Source is LIMITLESS. Even if it hurts. Even if it seems not enough. Even if you don’t get anything in return. Even if it doesn’t seem perfect. If you think you LOST it through time, maybe it’s not the “LOVE” I’m talking about. Because the love I know never changes. It never fades. So yeah,  #mayFOREVER guys! 😀 ❤ ❤ ❤

2. At Dawn

She was wearing her best smile because she doesn’t want her officemates to know how she was feeling the night before. She wasn’t able to sleep well because she was trying to look for the best words to use in the letter she was writing.She knew that that day will not be the same, as the night before. She has to do something.

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After her last call, she finally logged out. As she walks towards his spot, she’s blushing. She wanted to burst out in tears. She doesn’t know if she wants to hand the letter or not. She worked so hard to finish it the night before, but she knows exactly how things will turn out if he finally gets it. When she finally reaches his seat, he’s in a call. She doesn’t want to interrupt. The phone says it has been almost a half an hour call. He looked at her as she stands near and watches him. He smiles at her, seemingly saying, “Are you done? I almost am. “
Before she can’t hold it anymore, she hands the letter to him. He accepts it with an innocent gesture, and for the last time, strikes at her a smile she’s never gonna see again. Then she left.

1. For the Last Time

tumblr_nov77a93xX1sh3d3po1_500He’s looking at her. The stare was heavy. It was like he wanted to tell her something he has never told her before. They both know that there’s something wrong with the way things are between the two of them. It’s just that not one of them wants to start talking about it. So they just kept the silence as they listen to the most boring set of songs she has ever wasted time listening to in her entire life…which she thought was still great to listen to when she’s with him.

The evening is just like the others she’s ever had long before she met him. It was a long ride. She doesn’t know if she wants an endless road because she loves being with him, or a dead end because she knows he’s so unsure of anything about them, and an unstable situation scares her.

501st Day after Summer

Summer is every single person that comes into and leaves from your life. It happens.  She happens. Once in awhile, people meet and lose people. In different instances,  meeting is magic and losing is a nightmare. Or it can be the other way around as well. But still, the latter brings a feeling of indifference, depending maybe on how long they’ve been in the other person’s life.

This might be one of the reasons why letting go is always very difficult. After  everything’s said and done…or gone…you come across memories you just can’t  suppress. Memories of people you’ve never imagined ever leaving. People you  thought you can’t live without. After sometime, you’ll feel a little better, and then the  next day would be worse.

We tend to wonder “Why, of all people my Lord, that person? You could’ve taken someone else. Or maybe you shouldn’t have let us meet in the first place.” Am I talking “alien” now? I don’t think so. Everyone had been here I guess.

Every loss happens for a reason. These words are easy to understand before that  “EVERY LOSS” happens. All the others after that are just so hard to comprehend and are complete blurr, especially if you feel like you just want to take everything back.

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In the movie, Summer is just as random as the instances in our lives. When someone  comes and leaves, it’s not that goodbye nor the “hello” that makes it so painful… it’s everything in between. No matter how little and few these things are. Who says you have to forget? You’ve got to remember some important things and take it before you  move forward.

In the process of moving forward, you’ll always be tempted to look back. And every  peek would cause more pain, making things worse everyday.  But that’s life. You can appreciate, but never be so attached to it. I remember a friend  telling me to “never depend my life and happiness on something or someone I can lose”. I thought that’s rude. I am, but not that much, of an antisocial type. I thought it’s as  good as telling me not to treasure things and feel so much for people. I can’t be that  numb.

But the movie made things a lot clearer to me. I can always feel sad for my loss  because it matters…but to forever drag this sadness is something that I can already  decide on. It’s a clear depiction of the saying, “LOVE is a DECISION.” If you decide to stay in it after you got hurt, then there’s a plenty of rooms to lock yourself into. If you decide to go, you hold the key to its exit door. 500 Days of Summer is not just a film about losing and getting hurt. It’s a  scroll of lessons about moving forward and having faith that every last page of a  chapter sets the first page of another.

Who says you have to forget when you let go? You were happy once. Even faded  photographs are worth keeping. 🙂

Sweet Approval

Pleasing other people maybe one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life. Always striving for the approval of the people around me used to be my main priority.  They said that it is because other people matter a lot to me. But I’m pretty sure that I don’t have an isolated case 🙂

Once in your life, other people mattered to you more than yourself. There are these people whom you’ve always wanted to be a huge part of every decision you make. You do not come up with an action without consulting them or just thinking what they might say about what you’re going to do. It’ll be prefect if you and the influential people in your life have the same opinion on something. What if what you feel like doing is the total opposite of what they want you to do? Are you going to take courage and do it your way, or will you just lean on their judgment on your situation?

Little decisions maybe a lot easier to make. But the crucial ones scare us the most. This is why we resort to letting other people decide for us. But the problem is that once we get comfortable with giving them the weight of our life situations, we tend to adapt their judgment and standards of what should and should not be done.This may be good in lessening your load. But at the end of the day, will you be happy with whatever will be the result of these decisions knowing that they are not yours? If it goes right, you can take no credit—well..this one’s okay. But if it goes wrong, who’s to blame?

This brings us back to the idea that once we adapt the standards of other people, their approval becomes the success of whatever decisions we make. And we chase it. We chase their approval. It becomes the basis of almost everything we do. Taking advice is fine, but being completely affected by other people might cause you more disappointments. Their disappointment become yours as well.

If there’s this ONE that we will be PLEASED to PLEASE..it’ll only be Him. That’s the irony of it all. He, who is the authority of all authorities, is the easiest to please. You can die trying to get the approval of the world, but to get His favor…you only have to ACCEPT Him and all the grace he never stops giving. Isn’t it nice if someone will come up to you and tell you that he will be grateful if you would accept his gift? To please Him, you don’t have to do anything for Him. To please Him, you only have to do something for yourself. To ACCEPT a Gift. Isn’t it less complicated? And a lot sweeter? ^_^

Waiting on You

images“For I know the plans I have for you…” says the Lord…Jeremiah 29:11.

This is the very first Bible verse I’ve memorized when I was baptized as a Christian. And to tell you the truth, THAT first part of the verse was the only part of it that I was able to memorize at first. I really couldn’t make it till the end of the verse in my first trial of memorizing. Yeah, my memory’s that bad! 🙂

This is the reason why it’s what got stucked in my mind since then. I must admit I forgot that for awhile..but I turned the pages of my Bible back to that verse and reminisced what this verse used to be in my life.

We wake up every morning looking forward to something special. Hoping that..this one wish or prayer’s coming true today. YOu’ll be receiving that little gift you’ve been asking from Him for years. You’ll get to where you’ve always wanted to be your whole life. And then you’ll be disappointed every night before you go back to bed because you know that you’ll be praying and wishing for it again…just like the other hundred nights you’ve had. Frustration seems to be a part of patiently waiting. But the question is…are you really patiently waiting…or are you JUST waiting?

God did not give us more than one day for nothing. If He’ll be giving everything we desire a second after we asked for it, we’ll never know the value of anything He’ll give us. I think that’s the sweet thing about waiting. It gives you suspense and thrill in wondering…”what’s really in it for me?” The thing is that people are so used to getting everything we want depending on the amount of effort we exert. We get to where we want to be depending on how fast we move towards it. But if we only realize that the best things in life are worth a thousand years of waiting…maybe we’ll come to know that we’ve never had what He really wants to give us.

A patient heart is what I’ve been praying for days now. Because this heart of ours is always running towards our desires extremely fast. So fast that everytime we encouter humps and bumps along our way…we fall too hard and too bad, and hurt ourselves deeply. MOst of us do not know how to wait. Wait patiently. What’s the difference between the two?

When you’re in the bus stop looking out for a ride going to work 5 minutes before you’re completely late…that’s when you wait. When you’re looking out for your mom to finally arrive with something you asked her to bring for you…that’s when you wait patiently…What’s the difference? “JUST WAITING” happens when you’re heading towards something bad and with a lot of pressure. “PATIENTLY WAITING” happens when you know, and you’re believing, that you’re heading towards the BEST and with an overflowing excitement.

Why don’t we think this way. Let’s look at the best destination there is, be still and keep our FAITH. Faith in Him and all His beautiful plans for us. That’s when we learn to wait patiently. We stop getting tired. We start being motivated to continue moving forward even after everytime we fall. And guys…let’s not run. We can just walk.  Ask Him to walk with us, because He’s the best companion there is and will be 🙂